


SPICY!

by elyndis



Category: 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 12:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyndis/pseuds/elyndis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dance up on me, Jean-Ralphio!" [advent fic]</p>
            </blockquote>





	SPICY!

Liz hopped from foot to foot in the freezing cold and double-checked her phone to make sure she had the right address. What kind of club name was “ _Spicy!_ ” anyway?

Twenty minutes ago, she’d gotten a text from Jenna just as she had settled into bed with Criss and called up Mythbusters on the DVR. The text read: “ACTOR EMERGENCY!!! FIRE IN A CROWDED THEATER!!! CHEESY BLASTERS!!!111”

She had hemmed and hawed until Criss pushed her out the door, flashing her a reassuring smile around the gold fillers he was still wearing. “Don’t let me be the old ball-and-chain just because we’re married! We’re not idiots, remember? Besides, I might invite Dennis over to watch Dateline.”

Which was how Liz Lemon came to be shivering outside New York’s hottest club in a sweatshirt and no bra on a Tuesday night when her show was on winter hiatus, going toe-to-toe with a disinterested bouncer.

“My friend’s waiting for me in there. Jenna Maroney? Voted by People Magazine most likely to be murdered by Mickey Rourke three years running?”

No reaction. Not even a grunt of acknowledgement.

Liz sighed. She was starting to lose feeling in her toes. “Jenna Maroney?” she tried again. “Me want food!!!?!” she rasped in a passable impression of Jenna.

The guy’s entire face lit up.

“Me want food?” he repeated.

Really? That was five years ago and it’s still what people recognized Jenna from?

What she said was, “Yes, I was responsible for that. Now can I go in?” That wasn't technically true, but any longer out here in the sub-zero cold and Liz wasn't going to be responsible for anything tonight.

The bouncer looked at her skeptically but shifted aside to let her pass. The inside of the club smelled like a Victoria’s Secret had sex with a gigantic can of Axe. Liz found Jenna at one of the VIP tables, surrounded by her entourage.

“Liz!” Jenna trilled, teetering on ridiculous five-inch pumps toward her. “Guess what? E! wants to run a special on my wedding! They’re paying me one-tenth what they paid Kim Kardashian for hers. So,” she threw out her arms dramatically, almost smacking a passing guy in a latex bodysuit, “while you've been watching Homeland and not getting any–”

“I was about to start a Mythbusters marathon before you–”

“Anyway, while you've been _otherwise occupied_ , I've been busy gathering together the perfect wedding party. Liz, I want you to meet my new best friends. Honey Boo Boo’s older, less attractive sister,” a mousy girl gave Liz a limp wave, “two Amish guys here on rumspringa,” two attractive young men glared at Liz in unison as Jenna stage-whispered, “they’re gay but they don’t know it yet.”

  
“And this is Paul’s best man – you’ll never guess where they met: a Jenna Maroney fansite! – Jean-Ralphio.”

“Hey hey hey, what’s up New York Citaaaay! Hey, sexy librarian! Check out these party favors I designed for Jenna!”

A stack of little foil packets cascaded into her lap. Liz squinted at one under the pulsing lights of the nightclub as Jean-Ralphio tapped out a beat against her shoulder in time with the blasting music.

“It’s condoms with my face printed on them!” Jenna gushed while Liz fumbled for an appropriate response.

Jean-Ralphio cut in. “Just bring these babies with you into the bedroom and you’ll never need Viagra again. Pretty sweet, right?”

“Sure, sweet. That’s what I was going to say. Not tacky, or ridiculous.”

Jenna smiled, nodding. “You’re such a good friend, Liz. Here,” she handed Liz a shot that looked like it was actually on fire.

Liz grimaced, tried to pawn both the shot and the condom she was still holding on to one of the Amish guys but he just gave her a withering look.

Meanwhile, Jenna was already downing a shot of her own and lurching toward the dance floor. “Jean-Ralphio, dance up on me!”


End file.
